Living with a Narcissist: How to Handle a Very Difficult Roommate

In most relationships, there is a pattern of give and take; even if one party is more selfish and demanding, there is generally some degree of compromise and empathy. When you are dealing with a narcissistic personality, however, the behaviors that are normally expected from any social interaction go straight out the window.

If you are living with a narcissist, you are probably already aware that you are dealing with an exceptional personality. He (or she, although the majority of narcissists tend to be male) regards himself as a special breed, far above the rest of humanity. He feels superior to others, and he demands admiration and respect whether he has done anything to earn them or not.

A narcissist is extraordinarily difficult to live with; she demands the best of everything and expects her needs to be put in front of all others - in fact, she does not recognize that those around her have needs of their own.



Your narcissistic roommate will insist on having her own way, and woe to those who try to thwart her will. She assumes that she will be the center of everyone else's attention and concern. Living with a narcissist can be its own special brand of torment, unless you develop some sound coping strategies.

Following the suggestions described here can help you to deal with a difficult roommate and escape with your sanity relatively intact.

Handling the Narcissistic Roommate

1. Maintain your own sense of self-worth. Stand firm in the belief that you are entitled to your individuality, and have confidence in your own judgment. Do not let your narcissist convince you that you are the one whose thinking is flawed when she becomes unreasonable.

2. Don?t be afraid to do him a favor, but do it with the knowledge that it will not be reciprocated. Narcissists expect deference from others, but would be insulted at the notion of behaving in kind.

3. Set limits on the behavior you are willing to accept from her and stick with it. You will need to be gentle but firm in setting boundaries, and be prepared for the inevitable storm when you actually enforce them. If you are willing to clean up her mess in the kitchen, but refuse to put up with her going through your closet, you will need to make this clear - and do not give in under any circumstances.

4. Hold your roommate accountable. Discuss household responsibilities and expectations, such as how the finances will be handled, who is responsible for chores, and what the limits are for entertaining guests. Don?t bail him out if he does not live up to his end of the bargain, because he?ll take this as a signal to go ahead and do it again.

5. Maintain a sense of humor and empathize as best you can. Recognizing that narcissism is truly a disorder, and that the narcissist is suffering underneath her confident and breezy fa?ade, can go a long way toward creating tolerance toward this difficult individual.

6. Do not confront the narcissist with your views on his problem. In his mind, you are the one who is flawed, disturbed or just plain wrong, and he will become hostile at any attempt to make him see things through your eyes. If worse comes to worst, you may have to decide to end the relationship in order to maintain your own mental health.